Wow, are there a lot of good bloggers out there!

I've been doing my best to visit the blogs of all the other nominees for the 2009 Homeschool Blog Awards this week. I must say, most of the other blogs that have been nominated look a lot more professional and polished than my own! Once again, I am humbled by the honor.

Yesterday, I visited one of the nominees in the Best Encourager category, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home.
She wrote a powerful post entitled The Mission Field. What a timely reminder of the high calling we have as wives, mothers, and home educators! I would encourage you to visit her blog and read this article. And, if you get the chance, when you visit The Homeschool Post (to vote for my blog in the "Live What You Believe" category, right?),  be sure to give her your vote, too!

This article reminded me of something I wrote this past spring, after my church's annual missions conference. I have always pictured myself as doing something "great" for God, but I haven't always realized that this "great thing" would be my roll as a God-honoring wife and mother. Even after five-and-a-half years as a stay-at-home mom, I still have a lot to learn in this regard.

Nevertheless, God continues to patiently teach me about my value to Him and the importance of the work that I am doing in my home. So here, posted on this blog for the first time, is an insight into a hopeful, but often perplexed, homemaker's heart.

SEEDS OF DISCONTENT
March 6, 2009


Why does Missions Conference always do this to me?

On any given, normal day, I feel pretty confident that I am fulfilling God's purpose for my life. It may not be the most glamorous job in the world, but hey, the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, right? I love being a stay-at-home-mom, and consider it to be one of the most noble professions there is. In a day and age where women largely scorn the domestic life in favor of occupational equality with men, I have embraced domesticity whole-heartedly...with, perhaps, the exception of my perpetual ineptitude in the areas of clutter management and house-cleaning.

For some reason, however, Missions Conference causes a stirring within me--a feeling that my life could be so much more than it is. My husband would call it "feeling guilty that I'm not doing enough or giving enough". I guess that's one way of putting it, but I must admit, it is hard to shake the feeling that I should be doing more or giving more. I'm a graduate of Moody Bible Institute, for crying out loud! I believed for years that I was supposed to be in full-time, vocational ministry. By the time I was writing my Philosophy of Youth Ministry paper in Senior Seminar, the calling didn't feel quite so clear. The one year that I did spend in vocational ministry was probably one of the two worst years of my life. Ever since I accepted the call to full-time motherhood, I have experienced a level of peace and contentment that I had yet to experience in my adult life. These would all seem to be indicators that I am in the will of God. So why does Missions Conference leave me with a sense of dissatisfaction?

Do I really still believe that vocational ministry is the only way that a person can be of any real service to God? I don't think so. At least, I thought I had gotten over that lie a long time ago. Maybe I really do desire glamour and excitement. World travel, Bible translation, the thrill of telling those who have never heard. Maybe it's my lust for importance--a desire to matter, to be noticed--as if that has ever been a good reason to be in missions. That is probably the nail-on-the-head, though. My dissatisfaction stems from that lie from the deceiver that I am so prone to believe. The lie that says that I am not important, not special, not loved. If I were to do something really big for God, then I would be.

So here I am, home with a sleeping baby in my lap. I may never lead multitudes to Christ, but maybe he will. Maybe he will win them over with his engaging smile and his gentle, patient demeanor. Maybe my Asher, with his charisma and his way with words, will preach the gospel before thousands. Or maybe his will use his creativity and mechanical aptitude to come up with the next technological breakthrough that will make Bible translation faster. Or maybe he'll make so much money as an architect or an engineer that he will be able to generously support several missionary families. Maybe, he'll be a godly husband and father.

And maybe my daughter, who plays in the dirt, will eat virtually anything, picks up bugs with her bare hands, and doesn't flinch when the nurse pokes her finger...maybe she will be a missionary. Or maybe she will choose to follow the example laid out for us in Titus 2:4-5. "so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored."

Either way, I don't think I could be more proud.